Monday, November 11, 2013

Bathtime Mom Fail!

First off, this post will contain talk of poop.  Not graphic, but...it will be there.  If you don't like that, I suggest you click out here.  But I have to share this because if you had seen it, I'm sure you would have been laughing.  I'm gunna give this to you straight up.  The glamorous life of a triplet mom.  Because sometimes....poop happens.

Let me set the scene for you:  It's about 5:15 and I'm home with the weebs myself.  Brian won't be home until 6 or a little after, as is his usual schedule. 

The noodles were in the process of finishing their fruit from supper, so I decided that I would go start the bath water.  Addison had smeared macaroni all over her face and in her hair, so I wasn't going to be able to get away with not giving them a bath.  I leave the kids in the triple table (they were strapped in and they can't climb out.  It's safe!  I promise you!) so that I can run into the bathroom and get the water going.  I then return to the kitchen to get the kids out of their seats.  We all plod down the hall to the bathroom, get inside and close the door.

Before I started getting them undressed, I reach in to test the water.  *FOREHEAD SLAP*  I turned on the hot but forgot to turn on the cold, so the bath water was way too hot to put them in.  "No worries" I think.  "I'll just turn the cold on and let it run while I get them undressed.  They can run around for a bit in the bathroom until the water is cool enough."  I proceed to get Grace undressed down to her diaper, and then she goes off to unroll the toilet paper roll.  Next up is Addison.  I undress her down to her diaper and she runs off.  Last up, Mr. Noah.  I'm in the process of getting him undressed when I look over and see Addison, buck naked, with her diaper in her hand and a plop of poop on the ground. 

"AAHH   NOOOO!!" I think, while at the same time trying to calmly convince Addison to hand me her diaper, not play with the poop on the ground AND finish getting Noah undressed, since his shirt is around his neck and his pants are at his ankles.  I quickly get Noah's clothes off, wrangle the diaper away from Addison, and get her up on the counter, trying desperately to wipe the poop off of her butt and leg as fast as I can, all the while telling Noah "No.  Don't touch the poop.  No no." and Grace is in the background going "No No.  No No."  As I wipe the last gross bits off of Addison I throw her in the tub, only to notice that Noah has stepped in Addison's poop and is now walking around the bathroom, leaving little poopy footprints every other step he takes.  Grace is following him around, still saying "No No.  No No."  I finally catch him, hoist him up to the counter so he is easier to work with, and start wiping him down.  As I'm doing this he is frantically trying to get away and into the tub, so he is kicking and crawling, wiping his poopy foot all over the counter top.  I finally (Finally!!) get him mostly cleaned up and go to take off his diaper to put him in the tub, only to find that he has a poopy diaper, too!

"Just lay him down on the floor.  Take off his diaper, use a wipe to clean him up and put him in the tub" you think.  Ahhh... if only it were that easy.  By now I don't have a  poop-free space big enough on the floor or the counter to lay him down to take his diaper off.  So what do I do?  Take it off while he is standing.  "No big deal!" you think.  And normally, it wouldn't be.  Except I used all the wipes to clean off their feet and legs.  And let me tell you, toilet paper DOES NOT work the same as a baby wipe! 

Anyway, I digress.  I finally get Noah in the bathtub and am able to put Grace in immediately after.  I scrub them up quickly and then let them play while I, oh, you know, scrub every single surface in my bathroom. 

And right on cue, just as I wipe up the last poop footprint, Brian appears in the doorway, home from work.  "Hey" he says.  "How's it going?"

"Just....poopy."

8 comments:

  1. Ah yes. Sounds like a tale from my own house. Except I wouldn't call that a fail on your part. More like Super Mom!

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  2. Oh yuck. I thought that a poop in the tub with twins was bad. But based on how funny I found that, it will be the fodder for future hilarity!

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  3. So so funny. You're such a good writer :D

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  4. When my oldest was a baby, I heard her waking up from her nap. I headed upstairs to get her and was greeted by the aroma of poop halfway up the stairs. I knew this wasn't a good sign. When I got to her room, there she was, diaper still on, but happily wiping poop on the walls and her crib rails. That was in the early days of disposable diapers and the poop had rolled out of the diaper into the bed since the diaper didn't really fit snuggly around her legs. What a mess!!! I carried her, under her armpits, downstairs to her dad and asked if he wanted the kid or the crib. Coward that he is, he chose the kid. I was stuck with the crib, walls, sheets, and floor. Not fun then but very funny now!!!!!!

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  5. wait until one poops in the tub. oooohhh yeah.... it's coming.....!!!!!!!

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  6. You need a cape for Christmas :) And wipes...more wipes...

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  7. Oh my gosh. I have SO been in this situation where poo is everywhere, but I can't imagine three babes covered in poo. EEK!
    Second, I haven't dropped by in so long! Those kids are huge! I am kicking myself for not visiting more often because now I have tons of posts to catch up on.

    So glad to see you all are doing well. There sure are a long way from the tiny infants you gave birth to!

    Many hugs, Alissa (MissConception)

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